Passing this along: The Chipmunks Movie
10. WHY ARE THE CHIPMUNKS SO GANGSTA?!?!?!
9. Alvin has no eyes, and might very well murder your first born.
8. NO, REALLY, DOES ANYONE HERE REMEMBER ALVIN LOOKING LIKE EMINEM‘S *$%&#? If I were walking down a dark street, and Alvin and his thuggy friends were walking towards me… I WOULD CROSS THE STREET. And they are animated chipmunks.
7. Jason Lee’s mutant eye-brow. I’ve never seen a bigger cock(ed brow) in my life!
6. The tag line “They’re Back and Bigger Than Ever” is worrisome… how big are these little Thug-munks going to be? Look, at a foot tall, they can still be sort of adorable, but anything over 4 feet will induce the sort of childhood nightmares not seen since Follow That Bird. Perhaps they had to adjust Chipmunk size because of the tall and lankified Jason Lee? Where is Danny Devito when you need him?
5. Theodore’s childhood squirrel-besity problem.
4. Chipmink CGI’d claws are freaking me out.
3. Fine, fine, make the Chipmunks as gangsta-fly as you want… But Simon’s 1990’s hat/glasses/hoodie combination are making me want to jump-jump right now.
2. Simon was supposed to be the nerd! They could have made a tall, slender, hipster chipmunk that would have had dork girls swooning! Instead, they’ve given us DJ Jazzy Sizz-imon.
1. From the looks of it, seems producers are trying to “spruce up” the Chipmunks to a new generation of fans… and that worries us. Will they even sound like the helium-drunk critters we remember from yesteryear? Or will they have deeper man-munk voices now? What are kids going to do with helium balloons at birthday parties — use them for heroin consumption? Is the Lollipop League dead and gone for good?
And more importantly, didn’t these people learn anything from the CGI Garfield movies?! Sighhh. Maybe Lindsay Lohan will be cast as a live-action version of Strawberry Shortcake so that I can finally put a bullet in my memories.
Can’t say much more than that… now can ya? BWE, as pretty much always, hit the nail right on the head with that assessment.
GA-ROSS. I loved the Chipmunks as a kid, and this is down right disrespectful to my 80’s cartoon upbringing. I shall be protesting.